Dan Smith & Mary K. Hucyke: CourageousSpace Newsletter: March 2008
Conflict and Congregational Renewal
If no one has told you this before, we want you to hear it now. Congregational
renewal entails shifting the culture of a congregation. And, shifting the
culture of a congregation generates conflict, significant conflict. Some of
the conflict will make sense to you; you'll see it coming. But, if your congregation
is typical, at some point you'll be blindsided by conflict that seems to rise
from nowhere and leaves you wondering if your congregation can survive it.
One common definition of conflict is: the people involved perceive a threat
to their needs, interests, concerns, or values. It's the sense of threat that
causes the problems. When people feel they stand to lose something deeply
important, they not only resist, they fight. Congregational renewal requires
people to make significant shifts in their practices and how think about church,
their community and their relationship with God. People naturally wonder and
worry how these shifts may compromise what they hold to be most important
about their congregation.
People satisfied with the status quo may find the very idea of renewal threatening.
Others will be fine with the concept, but not with the reality of changing.
"We explained over and over what the plan for renewal was and what it
would entail," a board member of a small California church shared. "The
congregation approved it unanimously and we called a pastor based on that
plan. But now that he's here and we're actually addressing these things, all
hell has broken loose. I've lost count of the times people have said, 'Yes,
I voted for renewal, but I didn't know it meant that.'"
Congregations typically possess limited skills and comfort in dealing with
conflict. Many learned somewhere along the line that Christians aren't supposed
to disagree with each other at church. This means they don't openly share
differing viewpoints. They stuff their frustration, until it leaks out or
boils over. At that point, four particularly destructive attitudes typically
arise: blame, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling (refusing to respond).
Relationship researcher, John Gottman, calls them the four horsemen of the
apocalypse because of their ability to stymie connection and creativity.
Blame, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are natural ways we protect
ourselves when we feel threatened. The subject of church is very personal
to people. In renewal, you're making significant shifts to a place where people
currently find meaning and experience belonging. The people in your congregation
have personal attachments to particular traditions, practices, and routines;
they are venues in which they have experienced God. Those facing significant
change in other aspects of their lives may feel overwhelmed. We often hear
some form of the phrase, "I need my church to be the one place that doesn't
change." When changes begin to take place, even much-desired changes,
the climate can become highly charged and very emotional.
Many congregations avoid conflict at all costs. They swing between putting
lids on disagreements and cleaning up messes when the contained pot boils
over. Their discomfort leads them to back away from renewal when conflict
arises. They don't know what to do and going forward feels like it might split
or kill their congregation. Conflict, however, is not the enemy of renewal,
but a natural by-product of the renewal process. When managed skillfully,
conflict generates the energy needed to help a congregation stretch and grow.
A more uncommon definition of conflict sees it simply as two or more differing
ideas bumping up against each other. This perspective values conflict for
the way it wakes people up and provokes new lines of thinking. It encourages
people to remain open and creative, even as they experience discomfort. Surfacing
differing positions and ideas creates the pool that spawns new thoughts, new
ideas, and unexpected growth Addressed early and well, conflict is a creative
moment where God can help something new happen in your midst.
If you’re working renewal in a congregation, be ready for conflict and
help your leaders be ready. Your perspective on conflict and your methods
for working with it will greatly determine whether conflict spurs your congregations’
renewal process or derails it. Learn how to be present with and work appreciatively
with conflict. As a leader in your church, make it a priority to help your
congregation develop skills in managing and utilizing conflict.
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