Dan Smith & Mary K. Hucyke: CourageousSpace Newsletter: April 2007
What's Your "With" Quotient?
We believe the aim of pastoral leadership is the formation of individuals into a communal people of God - the body of Christ in the world, for the sake of the world.
Last week, we looked back on the articles we've written for this newsletter
and came away surprised. While we've touched on the majority of the aspects
of this credo, we've never written about what's implied in that word "communal."
It wouldn't be so surprising, except that it's such a primary issue for many
of the pastors and congregations with whom we work.
"Communal" is a hard concept for many Americans. Our culture values
individualism. Freedom of expression is a right we cherish. We're do-it-yourself
kind of people. America is the home of the rugged individualist and the lone
ranger. And while those are tremendous gifts, they often get in the way of creating
and sustaining relationships. Gil Rendle notes in the foreword to our book,
Practicing Right Relationship, we live in an "environment where 'my truth'
outweighs 'our relationship.' " How often we've watched pastor's and laity
alike stand in that place, pointing fingers at each other. Each convinced that
it's more important to be "right" than to be in relationship.
But, relationships are a given for us human beings. We are born out of and into
relationship - and it is through relationships that we are shaped. Certainly
the God revealed in scripture is relational. But far beyond being merely interested
in relationship, naming God as trinity implies that relationship is the basic
nature of God.
"Communal", like it's cousins "community", "communication",
and "communion", rises from the Latin pre-fix "com", meaning
"with". A primary part of the aim of pastoral leadership is the transformation
of individuals into people who are truly and deeply "with" each other.
Paul's description of the church as the body of Christ is an apt image. Each
person retains his or her own unique qualities, and functions in different ways,
but there is a fundamental connectedness...a "with-ness".... that
makes it not only ludicrous but horrifying to imagine one part trying to go
it alone.
Maybe that's why it's so painful when tensions rise and relationship within
a church break down. We know enough to know that it's not supposed to be that
way. Church is supposed to be the place where we focus on righteousness - being
in right relationship with God, with neighbor, and with self. But the dream
of righteousness can only be experienced to the extent that our daily interactions
embody Christ-like "with-ness."
Being "with" people - the image is of sitting together and, in the
midst of whatever task you happen to be about, tending to that space in between
so that each can speak and be heard and be influenced by the other. It is a
place of compassion, of openness, of surprises, of growth, of God.
Such relationships are compelling. When a church embodies that "with-ness",
they are not just "doing" church, they are "being" church.
It's in these moments that church moves from being a place people go and an
institution they serve to something alive and transforming.
The only way that churches can be that, is if the people who make up the church
can and choose to engage with each other in that way. And this brings it back
to where we started with the aim of pastoral leadership.
We know it's seductive to focus on strategies for welcoming newcomers or punching
up your worship service. But we'll tell you straight out pastors, improve your
ability to be "with" people and help others improve their ability
to connect, and you'll see an improvement in the quality of life in your congregation
that far outshines any canned program.
Mary failed her very first coaching examination. She felt she'd done a great
job and the person she'd coached was highly appreciative, so she was stunned
when the panel of examiners failed her. She was told that while her technique
was very good, they didn't believe she was connected in a heart-to-heart way
with the client. The said it felt like Mary was doing something "for"
the client, or "to" the client, but not "with" the client.
"With", they said is where the transformation is.
Pastors, how is your ability to be "with" the people of your congregation?
Judicatory folk, how able are you to be "with" your pastors?
With whom does it come easy?
With whom is it a struggle?
And with whom do you not even try?
Bring to mind the last face to face conversation you had today. Notice whether
your mindset was more about doing something for that person, to that person
or with that person....or about getting it over with and getting on to the next
thing waiting for you.
CourageousSpace 2007